she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
