Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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