She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
