when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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