weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I FOUND THE LEGS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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