I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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