ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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