you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
