would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
