Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
