everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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