Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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