Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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