ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
