Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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