So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
