when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
