I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
