Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
