Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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