Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Randomize
