ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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