You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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