you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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