I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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