so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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