he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
