I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
