if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
