and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
