It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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