i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
