Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
