I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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