Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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