i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
