does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
