i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well most of my day revolves around power hour
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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