It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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