this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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