The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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