My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
pray to the hookup gods
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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