no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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