and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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