...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will be naked everywhere
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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