I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
