Screwed.edu
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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