so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
