Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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