At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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