He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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