That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
