Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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